I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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