it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
