i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
