in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
