I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
