From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
