WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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