Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
