areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
