If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
