i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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