she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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