I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
