It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
