I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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