I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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