I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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