Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize