My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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