Do you still have your period?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
