Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
