I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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