so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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