Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
