My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize