i love accidental penises.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
