I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
