Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
