i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
