I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
