Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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