I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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