She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
