2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
