Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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