While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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