I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
