ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
