When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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