Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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