His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize