i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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