That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize