I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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