Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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