he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
