we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
