He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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