If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
