And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
