but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
