The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
