I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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