why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
