she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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