The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
