dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
