I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
is that a dick in a sweater?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
