I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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