They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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