Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
