I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
