So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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