the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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