It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Alive.
So much puke
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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