i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
