Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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