a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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